No purpose | confusedsadlonely's Blog

I like having a purpose in life, right now i dont have a purpose. I'm not doing anything. I'm stuck and i dont konw how to break free. What can i do? My life is going from bad to worse. I have no one to talk you and so i write. No one knows how i feel. I feel like no one i have in my life understands depression. If i said i was depressed, they would laugh awkwardly because they just dont understand it. I dont understand it myself. One minute i'm fine, the next i'm flooded by these awful feelings of dread, hopelessness, like a black cloud covers up my whole perception of life. I'm a kid, well not kid anymore, more like a young lady now. I should be out enjoying my life, i should be happy. but as much as i try, i just cannot seem to be able to do it. I find myself crying myself to sleep. last week i was so desperate to talk to someone, to explain my situation that i actually looked up a depression hotline and almost called . I know that it's not my fault but i feel pathetic. I try to see the good in my life, but everytime i admit i have some good in my life too, everytime i try to look at the positive aspects of life, it's like someone/something comes around and takes it away. i cant think positively anymore, i just can't. All i think about is what i'm not, what i could be, what i should've been. I'm tired and i'm tired. Waking up everyday to the same thing is tearing me apart. i need help but i dont know how to ask. At least writing this helps a little. talking to myself always helps, but i wish i had someone to talk to. the truth is i'm lonely, and i just want to be happy.